When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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