I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
