Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
