Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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