I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
