she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
