i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
