I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
