so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
