I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
