It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
