He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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