People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
