I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
