Will you blow on my dice?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
