having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
