You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
