Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This is my gift to your gina
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
