Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
