I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
