friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
pop tarts are not kleenex
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
