Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
