Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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