So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
