pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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