My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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