You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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