I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
