it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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