If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
