Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
soo... how was my night?
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