I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
