That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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