508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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