OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
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Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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