yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
