Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
