$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
