We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
