So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
