now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
