Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
