I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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