Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
