he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How's work?
Spinning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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