i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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