her vagine was all disorganized.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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