he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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