Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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