Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
