Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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