we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
