Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
