I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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