she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
