you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
