I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
