Four minutes until I can fart!
time to smoke my breakfast
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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