my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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