She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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