Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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