you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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