she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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