A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
