hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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