I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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