Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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