I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
high people should be assigned attendants
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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