My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
