If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize