im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
